Sunday, April 22, 2012

At some point, I grew up

Turns out, I’m mature. Yes, this was news to me also. Before packing up for Peace Corps, I was debating what to do with the extra Michael Jackson gloves I had lying around from Thriller dance rehearsals, I had magnets of my favorite heartthrobs hanging on my Target-purchased TV stand, and I still kept my sweaters in those crates I used in college.

“Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth." -Max Ehrmann, Desiderata
Yeah, this bit of advice didn’t seem like anything I'd be interested in adopting anytime soon, especially if it meant giving up my love of all things tween and the joy of receiving gifts like Yo! MTV Raps trading cards (thanks, Edwina!). I was at peace with immaturity. When I left, the most valuable thing I owned was my bed. It is both somewhat liberating and just plain sad to realize everything you own can be easily given away or left on the city street for someone to take. 

I like to do what I want, when I want, how I want. It’s the by-product of living on my own and being somewhat selfish for the past 32 years or so. I've been able to call most of my own shots. Here, that is far from the case. The latest struggle on my PC experience docket is how to distinguish between things I should try to change and those I just need to accept.

Here is a breakdown:
*Experiencing some technical difficulties. Images below are under construction. You can click to view larger image.*

"Growing up isn’t a straight line. It’s a series of advances and retreats." – Kevin Arnold, The Wonder Years
I’ve always been a late bloomer, and I think I had to do a lot of retreating over the years to finally feel like a grown-up. I find it ironic this realization had to come in a place where I use a Garfield pillow, play daily games of UNO, and have all of my meals made for me by a mother-figure. 

Who knew growing up really meant this? This pain that comes with knowing I can’t change something and then finding a way to sit with it and swallow it until it becomes bearable - until it becomes something I can work with, or even embrace. It's doing things I didn't want or plan to do and being a grown-up about it.

So, this is what it feels like.

Regardless, flat Michael Cera stays.


Flat Michael Cera gives a special thanks to Trish for bringing him all the way to Indonesia. He also says duku are way better than those orange tic-tacs. You heard it here first.


  1. o flat michael cera. erin, i love you, i respect you, and i think your dedication and devotion to working out these issues is great. keep up the good work. see you soon??? xoxox.

  2. Erin, I just discovered your blog and it is so entertaining and educational! You have made me laugh, cry, and smile. You are such a beautiful writer. Thank you for sharing your stories and for helping us to understand your life experiences in Indonesia. Can't wait to read more! Ah, and I found the part about our Mardis Gras dance party! Thinking about you lots even though I'm bad at staying in contact. I talk about you to Max quite a bit to explain what an amazing person you are and also to ponder what your life is like at the moment. Miss you lots and sending much love and continued motivation and support your way!

    Love, Rachel