Real Life Resume

Was updating the ol’ resume, reflecting on what two years has given me in the way of skills, and I found the traditional format didn’t adequately reflect how I really shined during my stint in the Peace Corps. 

Here is my real life resume, which will most certainly be taken down once I am seriously looking for employment. Enjoy it while it lasts. 

WORK EXPERIENCE 

United States Peace Corps, East Java, Indonesia, April 2011- June 2013 

• Successfully abstained from food or drink while in my village during the daylight hours of Ramadhan
• Successfully retrieved underwear from the bottom of a freshly-used squatty potty
• Negotiated free transport on several occasions when being stranded was an imminent possibility
• Completed over 300 hours on buses that would be deemed unfit to pass a US safety inspection 
• Planned and delivered dozens of motivational speeches in a language only barely known to me 
• Imbibed 600+ lbs of rice, fried foods, and ants
• Effectively won over scores of children who were initially terrified at the sight of me. By the end, those same children were calling out my name or chasing me down as I rode my bike past.
• Taught approximately 100 hours of high school English with my face covered in whiteboard marker 
• Improved personal ability to maneuver a bike through heavy traffic and decreased incidents of falling by 93%
• Stood in fire
• Hiked two volcanoes
• Increased threshold for pain by approximately 11% through experiences with dengue fever and other medical afflictions
• Researched and located quality baked goods in various cities across Java
• Overcame the personal shame and clean-up logistics of having had an accident in my pants as an adult
• Achieved top standings in local village UNO competitions